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We often talk about love.
The one that moves you, that makes your heart beat, that makes you vibrate or cross oceans.
The one that drives us to dream, to run, to hope.
But there is another, more discreet form of love.
The kind that doesn't make our pulse race, but picks up the pieces when everything falls apart.
The one who listens without judging, who welcomes us in our silences, who stays even when the storm passes.
Friendship. The real thing.
What if, at the end of the day, it's the connection we neglect the most... even though it's perhaps the most precious?
It happens on a bench, in the park, in a laugh or an impromptu game.
It is spontaneous, fluid and essential.
We laugh, we invent worlds, we cling to each other as if our lives depended on it. And, in a way, it's true.
Then you grow up.
We're chasing everything else: work, children, projects, appointments, obligations (which are multiplying like rabbits).
And friendship becomes a luxury.
We say we'll see each other again «when we have time».
We plan a café three weeks in advance, then postpone it.
And the bond slowly disintegrates, leaving only the nostalgia of the laughter of yesteryear.
And yet it's precisely at times like these that we need it most.
Because it's these bubbles of friendship that make us breathe. They bring us back to our lightness.
They allow us to be ourselves again, without masks, without roles, without expectations.
And that's more than pleasant. It's vital. Almost therapeutic.
I realise this sometimes when I look at my son.
He laughs like crazy with his friends in a park, as if the world could stop around them.
He comes home happy, full of energy, as if nothing else mattered.
And I wonder: *When did we adults stop laughing like that?
We traded laughter for tight schedules, meetings and responsibilities.
And we forget that, without these bubbles of friendship, we dry up. Our lives become mechanical. Our hearts a little heavier
Illustration of Elisabetta Lo Greco
By listening to other people's stories and going through my own, I've come to understand one thing: what often exhausts love is not a lack of passion.
It's the lack of friendship.
In my relationships, I've often felt loved for what I give: my gentleness, my sensuality, my ability to soothe.
But rarely loved as a true accomplice. Rarely welcomed in my darker moments, when my light went out a little (as it happens to everyone).
And that's where it all falls apart.
Because a love that doesn't know how to be a friend can't last.
A solid couple is not just two people who are attracted to each other.
Two people capable of choosing each other as friends. To laugh together, to support each other in silence, to desire each other too...
but above all, to walk side by side, without trying to save each other.
These days, we talk a lot about ’close friendships» and »sex friendships«.
It feels modern, fluid and untethered.
But the heart knows no such contracts.
Carnal intimacy, especially when it's regular, almost always opens emotional doors.
And when one moves forward and the other stays put, what seemed like a small step quickly turns into a wound.
These relationships can teach us about ourselves. They can be beautiful passages.
But they are no substitute for what we all need: a foundation.
A bond that lasts. That carries us. That moves us without breaking us.
One day, during a training course, I met a couple who overwhelmed me.
Together for years, they had understood that love does not survive by chance.
Every week, they would meet up.
Not to sort out to-do lists. Not to talk about the children or the house. But to get together, laugh, look at each other, touch each other, just for them.
They knew that desire dies in habit, and that friendship and eroticism need a space of their own, as a secret garden to tend.
Watching them, I realised that a couple that lasts is not one that never has a crisis. It's the one that protects this garden.
Who know how to be friends, lovers and accomplices all at the same time.
In my tantric sessions, This truth becomes clear every day.
It's not the precise gesture that transforms. Nor technique.
What changes everything is the link.
This silent presence, this discreet complicity that settles in.
In this space, the body opens up.
Sometimes it's as if a gentle ecstasy comes over you: a love without promise, absolute confidence, a breath of unity.
And every time, I say to myself that perhaps this is the heart of care, and even of life: the kind of discreet love we call friendship.
If you look at your life... is there a friend you haven't seen in a long time?
Someone with whom you could simply laugh, or share a silence, without expecting anything?
Maybe now's the time to write to her.
Not to ask for a favour. Not to fill a void. Just to say:
«Thank you for being here. What if we could catch our breath that we miss so much?
Because, perhaps, the true miracle of our lives is not to be found in great thrills or fiery promises...but in those discreet, tender and sacred bonds.
In that breath that we sometimes forget to breathe.
And to let the words of Marguerite Yourcenar sound like an obvious :
With tenderness, for our precious friendships,
Hajira
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3 responses
Thank you and congratulations, beautiful hajira, for your beautiful message, as gentle as your soft hands, and your breath... your inspiration which goes straight to ❤️ and to my body (who would like to try tantric massage, naturist massage, etc.). See you soon, with all my masculine gentleness. Cyril (52) 🙂
Thank you Cyril, your words are just as caressing as my Silk Touch. Tantra through massage is a path where breath and Touch are one.
For a journey to the heart of the soul, carried by the thrill of the body...
We look forward to seeing you... one day ❤️
This article echoes my own feelings.
I've had very few friendships for a long time.
I knew what it was, but now I feel like I can't have friends any more. Maybe it's too much weight, too many fears, too many demands, or just too many expectations. Even if I give without expecting anything in return, I would so much like to be able to have more of them, naturally. I can give 100 and receive 25, and those 25 in my heart represent the 100 I give. But it's rarely 25...
Anyway, as far as my relationship is concerned, love is great, friendship too.
In any case, your all-round treatment has given me everything I need for a moment. And I'm doing everything I can to make it last.
The love, the touch and that strong bond so dear to my heart allowed me to let go.
I thank you with unconditional love.
Thank you also for telling me about your blog.